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5,260 Views • Apr 30, 2024 • Click to toggle off description
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YouTube Comments - 42 Comments
Top Comments of this video!! :3
Part of what makes decision-making difficult is our past experience with people scolding us for frequently making errors. We don't want to be scolded or singled out as being irresponsible, lazy ....all the things.
If we don't make a decision we won't make a mistake.
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Oh my god, this actually made me somewhat emotional. I have lived with this exact decision paralysis my entire life, although I am not diagnosed with either ADHD or Autism. Just hearing you talk about what I experience daily made me feel so incredibly seen and finally made me feel somewhat normal.
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That sums it up pretty well! The only thing I have to add is that I am pretty darned good at identifying the problems with any given choice, and figuring out what the least worse option is is too much for my brain. I’ve seen a certain amount of talk on other channels about perfectionism, but it doesn’t feel like that. It’s just...how can I pick an option with obvious problems? Perfectionism sounds more like positive thinking than what I do.
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It doesn't help when you've been so poor that choosing wrong can mean either wearing shoes that hurt (for example) or going hungry or without utilities (because the ADHD makes it really hard to remember to return something before it's too late). We're in a really good financial position now, but I still get decision paralysis when it comes to buying something like new shoes or a new pillow because I'm afraid of the consequences of choosing wrong.
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The relief of being able to have someone there and having the gumption to order someone to choose for you. It is such an empowering feeling.
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I'm so glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this. People get so mad but I HATE choosing things. I just continue to tell people, don't make me pick because I don't like it and I don't want to pick.
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I get like this because of the hassle of making a decision mistake. I live on my own and don't have transport, so everything I do is really exhausting anyway.
With big money decisions it's even worse, because it feels like playing russian roulette.
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That would explain why I have such trouble anticipating obstacles for my lessons. Until O've lived the situation I just can't imagine the realistic outcome...Many potential ones yes, but the actual one? Forget it.
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When you are living with ADHD and autism is like card tricks. Some are so easy and have great outcomes. Others are like playing 52 card pickup.
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I feel very much the same, constantly on the horns of a dilemma and with each option highly problematic - so I end up doing nothing, often for years. I agree it often seems easier to either have no choice or have someone make the decision instead.
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Yes! Like I hate being asked questions I don't know how to answer. I wish it was like nursing school where I could just say "not enough information to answer the question" 😂
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Omg! Me getting observed in a shop by the detective,. thinking that I am going to steal something, because I am standing in front of the shelf paralyzed for half an hour, not being able to make a decision 😬
Or: buying all things because I can't decide or just crying und leaving the shop with nothin
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I get this with food all the time in particular! If I’m trying to decide between two things and then suddenly someone throws in three more things and just keeps adding more and more things, I just sit there and stare at them, trying to do all the mental calculations and it just becomes too overwhelming. My family and I have started to recognize when I do that but occasionally I have to then figure out verbally how to say, “this is too much. This is overwhelming. I need a minute.” But it’s so helpful when they recognize that I start doing that and give me that time without my then having to figure out how to ask for it on top of figuring out what the best choices are going to be. And the more exhausted I am the worst it gets. I noticed one night I started rocking back-and-forth on my bed just trying to figure out which two take away places my family mentioned would work better. But that time I could at least say, “I am rocking back-and-forth, and that is a sign that I am overwhelmed,” but it took me years to figure that out because I’d stopped myself from rocking back and forth or twirling my hair because the comments I got about it that sort of thing when I was a kid. I was really proud of myself for letting the rocking continue and realizing it was a stim and it was trying to help keep me calm so that I could take it a few minutes to talk about something else and then go back to the food choices and make a decision without it being as overwhelming. In the past, I think I would have made myself stop rocking on such a seemingly small decision, because it didn’t seem big enough to other people to be having that kind of reaction. So I was really proud of myself for stimming in whatever way I needed and not piling shame on top of what I was already dealing with. It also helped that when I could verbally communicate that this was overwhelming me right as the rocking started, because I recognized what was happening my family immediately backed off and assured me that I didn’t have to make a decision about what I wanted or where I wanted something from. So having them remind me of that was very helpful. Then we could talk about something else for a couple minutes, and I could circle back around to saying, “OK these places both sound good, but this one sounds a little better for this reason. So, why don’t we do that?” and I felt much more relaxed after all the decisions were done with. Things like this are where I have really noticed now that I know I have ADHD and what is happening in those situations and why I start stimming to keep myself from spinning out with the different choices that are suddenly shoved at me six at a time in a lot of cases I am able to recognize what’s going on and be kinder to myself in those moments than I used to. That helps a lot! 😃
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When I make decisions I use the past as a frame of reference.
For example, say Im looking at buying a new pair of sneakers. I see some really pretty ones, screenshot them exc. (Heck, Ive seen things window shopping where I just take a picture and save it, particularly at book stores.)
Then I remember, I don't like sneakers. My shoes for the past 10+ years have literally been a pair of sandals and my winter zip up boots. I hate wearing socks and feeling like my feet are confined so I opt out of looking at sneakers.
Dinner? I pick the same places that are familiar or cook the same meals.(Unless invited somewhere else, then I look at the menu beforehand hand online)
I suppose thats the autism regitity so often talked about, but it really helps me.
If its a special interest, dont buy things after 8pm, take a screenshot, wait a week and ask myself if its something I really want. This singularly has saved me so much mental haul and overspending even before my official diagnosis with Audhd
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On my birthday I went out with a couple of friends to Timezone (gaming place). They were like 'It's your birthday, you can choose which games we play' and feeling super indecisive, I countered 'Since it's my birthday, you can pick for me! I would love that!'. Glad I didn't get stuck in decision paralysis for too long that day! Lol.
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"I can always change later," is somwthing I say - and need to say - out loud a lot.
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ASD: These shoes are going to be what you live out the apocalypse in. They must fit 57 catagories.
ADHD: I WAANNNTT NOWWW GET IT GET IT GIVE ME THE THING!!! SHINNYYYY NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
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That is exactly how i feel. But i‘m not diagnosed yet.
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It's a thing in my relationship where unless I already know what I want I cannot decide anything. Which means most of the time I rely on my partner to decide things for me, especially with little things because the overwhelm of trying to make that decision is just debilitating. And luckily for me he knows me super well (better than I know me imo) so that usually works out pretty well as long as I mention any input I Do have - like I really don't want X or Z tonight, or I really Do want L included in whatever we do for that decision.
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@Gwynnbleid
4 months ago
For me, when someone asks me "do you want to go out?" I just freeze. I can't say no, because I might want to go out, but I can't say yes either, since what if I don't?
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